


The Most Legendary, Most Epic, Most Awesome Game of Hide and Seek Ever

by Ellejabell, sallysparrow017



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Hide and Seek, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Podfic, Podfic & Podficced Works, Podfic Length: 10-20 Minutes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:20:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26079385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellejabell/pseuds/Ellejabell, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sallysparrow017/pseuds/sallysparrow017
Summary: “Have you ever wanted to play hide and seek in Hogwarts?” An audio drama adventure featuring all your marauder’s era favs!
Relationships: (background) Lily Evans/James Potter, (background) Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadows, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 12
Kudos: 33
Collections: Pod_Together 2020





	The Most Legendary, Most Epic, Most Awesome Game of Hide and Seek Ever

**Author's Note:**

> This delightful project was written for Pod Together 2020 and was truly such a joy to make. I have to again take a moment to thank [sallysparrow017](http://www.archiveofourown.org/users/sallysparrow017/) and her super talented friend HellaPunkDoe who did such a lovely job with the podfic of this. Finally, I have to give a special shout out to [MistbornHero](http://www.archiveofourown.org/users/MistbornHero/%22) for the stunning cover art.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/188450677@N04/50291983627/in/dateposted-public/)

Length: 00:14:28  
Download (right click & save) or stream:  
[here!](https://sallysparrow017.parakaproductions.com/podfics/The%20Most%20Legendary,%20Most%20Epic,%20Most%20Awesome%20Game%20of%20Hide%20and%20Seek%20Ever.mp3)

**Scene 1: Hogwarts Library, Free period, Monday, 1:31pm**

[sounds of the library, books shuffling, whispering, perhaps a loud shh]  
James: (whispered) Sirius… (more loudly) Sirius!  
Sirius: Shh— I’m studying  
James: No, you’re just trying to impress Moony  
Sirius: Am not!  
James: (slightly louder) Are too!  
Sirius: (louder) Am not!  
James (at volume) Are too!  
[they are loudly hushed, a beat]  
Sirius: Now look what you’ve done, Moony is ignoring us completely.  
James: (quietly) Told you.  
Sirius: Shut up. Well what did you want so badly anyway?  
James: Okay. Okay. Okay. Do you ever just want to play a giant game of hide and seek in Hogwarts?  
Sirius: (complete shift in tone) Only all the time! [beat] are you suggesting…?  
James: You know what I am suggesting.  
Sirius: (voice rising to a shout) James potter you are brilliant!  
Pince: Boys! Out! You too Lupin!  
Lupin: But Madam Pince I didn’t do--  
Pince: Out!  
[shuffling of paper, scraping of chairs, hurried footsteps, and the slam of a door.]

**Scene 2: A note: from J.P. to S.B., Monday, 10:00pm**

James: Tis done. Friday. 21:00. Recruit your best players.

**Scene 3: The edge of Sirius’ charms parchment, Tuesday, 10:19am**

Sirius: Lily!  
Lily: What?  
Sirius: H+S. Friday. 21:00. Be there.  
Lily: H+S???  
Sirius: Hide and Seek. Obvi.  
Lily: I would rather eat slugs.  
Sirius: You owe me for not telling about last Saturday.  
Lily: Are you calling in your favor?  
Sirius: Don’t be that way.  
Sirius: ...yes  
Lily: I’ll be there.  
Sirius: Bring the girls.  
Lily: Bastard. Fine  
Lily: We will crush you.  
Sirius: You can try.

**Scene 4: a note; S.B. to J.P. Tuesday, 9:32pm**

Lily and the girls are in to play. You are welcome mon ami.

**Scene 5: A note; J.P. to S.B. Tuesday, 9:34pm**

Come through! Impressive, Black. Moony’s still mad about the library. Not looking good.

**Scene 6: A note; S.B. to J.P. Tuesday, 9:36pm**

Figure it out, Potter. You promised.

**Scene 7: Potion corridor, Wednesday, 4:50pm**

(students talking and moving about, footsteps running)  
James: (his voice gets louder as he gets closer) Lily! Lily! Lily!  
(he stops in front of her, panting)  
Lily: Yes, Potter?  
James: Heard you’re playing the game with us on friday?  
Lily: Couldn’t let you have all the fun.  
James: (stammering) right, no, yeah, you’re hot--I mean--you’ve got it! You’ve got it.  
Lily: Smooth.  
James: (not missing a beat) Is my middle name.  
Lily: Hmm...well, see you later.  
James: (calling after her) So, Hogsmeade this weekend?  
Lily: Don’t push your luck.

**Scene 8: Gryffindor boys dormitory, Wednesday, 11:47pm**

(night sounds, curtains rustle, a bed squeaks)  
Sirius: (Whispered) Moony? [nothing] Mooooonnnyyyyy? [nothing] Remus are you asleep?  
Remus: (sleepily) Well I was...  
(bedclothes shifting)  
Sirius: Oh good, I was worried I woke you. Lumos.  
Remus: (mumbled) You did.  
Sirius: What?  
Remsu: Nothing. (sigh) What do you want Sirius?  
Sirius: James says you don’t want to play on friday.  
Remus: (sigh) Sirius…  
Sirius: No, listen, I’m sorry about getting you kicked out of the library on monday (wheedling) really reeeeeally sorry, like so so soooo sorry.  
Remus: Hmf.  
Sirius: Moooooony you can’t stay mad at me. Come on, you know that you forgive me. Come on. (under this we start to hear sounds of scuffling)  
Remus: Sirius get off.  
Sirius: Not until you forgive me.  
Remus: I forgive you, now get off.  
Sirius: Not until you say that you’ll play on friday.  
Remus: Argh! Get off Sirius, you’re such a child.  
Sirius: It won’t be the same without you! No one will have any fun and Lily will hate James forever.  
Remus: Lily already hates James.  
Sirius: Please, please, please, please (he goes until remus cuts him off)  
Remus: Fine! (sounds of rustling stop) But I am agreeing under duress. This is a hollow victory Black.  
Sirius: (solemnly) I understand. (a tense beat)  
Remus: (quietly) You can get of me now, Padfoot.  
Sirius: Right, right (sounds of him getting off of the bed). Well, um, goodnight--Remus. (curtain rustles open and closed)  
Remus: (after several moments and under his breath) What the fuck just happened?

**Scene 9: A note passed in Defence against the dark arts, Thursday 2:23pm**

J: Got Moony to agree to play. You’re welcome.  
S: Oh? How did you manage that?  
J: Bribed him with chocolate this morning.  
S: How much chocolate?  
J: 10 pounds honeydukes finest. You owe me.  
S: See I would but I got him to agree last night. Looks like you were played.  
J: Damn he’s good.  
S: Yeah. The best.

**Scene 10: A note; J.P. to R.L. Thursday, 8:04pm**

Sirius told me what you did.

**Scene 11: A note; R.L. to J.P. Thursday 8:10**

Check and mate.

**Scene 12: Gryffindor table, Friday 8:02am**

(sounds of breakfast)  
Remus: Did either of you tell Peter?  
Peter: Tell me what?  
(silence)  
Remus: This is on you two.

**Scene 13: 7th floor corridor, friday 10:00pm**

James: Alright lads, this is it. The big night.  
Sirius: The last crusade-  
James: The final countdown-  
Sirius: The--  
Remus: (interrupting) We get it.  
James: The time has come! We are here tonight to mark a truly momentous occasion. A first of its kind. Tonight we will be playing the most legendary, most epic, most awesome game of hide and seek, ever. And in the hallowed halls of this here castle no less. Truly, this may be the best use this school has even been put to. True genius never sleeps and neither will we tonight.  
Remus: James…  
James: (pulling himself back together) Right, so everyone will be here soon but before they get here just a few group rules to keep things fair. No cloak, no map, no leaving the grounds, no secret passages, and no shapeshifting, I’m looking at you Pete. Clear?  
Everyone: (with varying tones of excitement) Yes.  
James: Great, let’s get started!

**Scene 14: several minutes later**

James: Hello, and welcome to the first, but hopefully not last game of Hogwarts Hide and Seek! It looks like we have a decent crowd, the four of us obviously, Frank and Kingsley, good to see you lads, and Lily, Marlene, Dorcas, Mary- looking lovely tonight ladies!  
Marlene: We will eat you for breakfast.  
James: (slightly higher pitched) Terrifying as always Marlene.  
[a beat]  
Remus: [clears his throat] The rules?  
James: Right! The rules! Sirius, will you do the honors?  
Sirius: With relish! The rules are simple folks, once I am done explaining the rules, we’ll pick the seeker by popular vote, then we will have 10 minutes to hide on the 7th floor and only the 7th floor.  
Frank: Wait I thought you said we’d be playing in the whole castle?  
Sirius: Right you are Franky boy, but to give the seeker an early advantage we are limiting starting positions. You have to start on the 7th floor, but as long as the seeker doesn’t catch you you are free to move to any floor in the castle after the hunt has begun. To give the seeker an additional advantage the first person they catch will be roped in as deputy seeker, and the players will have no way of knowing who is on the seeker’s team. Once you have been caught, you may proceed to the room of requirement where refreshments have been generously provided by, well, us! Once everyone is caught we will finish the night out there.  
James: Additional rules! No magic except lumos, nox, and your basic alohomora. This goes for everyone. You must stay inside the castle, and common rooms are out of bounds. Also, if you get caught by a teacher or perfect you are on your own and sworn to secrecy about the game. Now, unless anyone else has a question, let’s pick our seeker. Right, Mary?  
Mary: How are we going to do that?  
James: Ummm I actually didn’t think about--  
Remus: Let’s just all close our eyes and just point to whoever we think it should be. Then we can open our eyes and resolve any ties.  
James: That could work…  
Lily: I think it’s a great idea.  
James: Okay, works for me then.  
Remus: Alright then, everyone close your eyes [he waits moment] now point to who you think it should be [another moment] now open them!  
James: Aw come on guys!  
Sirius: Looks like it’s you Jamie.  
James: Ugh fine, but don’t think I won’t find each and every one of you.  
Lily: You can try.  
Remus: Should we start the timer?  
James: Do it, if you must.  
Sirius: Alright ten minutes, starting...now!  
[everyone scurries away]

[the sound of the timer going off]  
James: Ready or not here I come!

**Scene 15: Arithmancy classroom, 7th floor, under the desk, friday 10:45pm**

James: Ah ha! Gotcha!  
Lily: Bloody hell.  
James: Lily?  
Lily: [grudgingly and with false enthusiasm] You found me!  
James: Wait so this means--  
Lily: No. No! I cannot be the first person you found.  
James: You’re my deputy seeker!  
Lily: Ugh, fuck this night.  
James: Hey, it can’t be that bad.  
Lily: (considers for a moment) No… actually, yeah, this could be great. I didn’t fancy sitting scrunched up a cupboard for the next hours.  
James: Yeah and now we’re a team!  
Lily: (sigh) Right… Well best make the best of it. Let’s go find your friends, lover boy.  
James: And yours.  
Lily: And mine.

**Scene 16: 4th floor broom cupboard, 11:36pm**

[faint running steps, door opens and closes, panting, some rustling around, a thump, and a crash, a brief struggle]

Remus: What? Who-- arg-- that’s my spleen you--  
Sirius: Remus?  
Remus: Sirius? What are you--  
Sirius: I didn’t know you were--  
Remus: Wait, you're not the deputy are you?  
Sirius: God no! Do you really think so little of me?  
Remus: I just thought since James was the seeker you might--  
Sirius: And lose first? I’d never! Anyway, I’m pretty sure he caught Lily first.  
Remus: Bet that made his night. Wow you’re awfully close.  
Sirius: Not much space in here.  
Remus: Hey why are you here, anyway? This is my broom closet!  
Sirius: Filch.  
Remus: Wait, really? Did he see you?  
Sirius: Only for a sec, I lost him one floor up.  
Remus: I swear to merlin if you get me caught--  
Sirius: [his tone changes] You’ll what? Looks like I’ve got you all boxed in.  
Remus: [slightly breathless] Right, um, well, like you said, not much room in here is there.

[they both breath slightly heavily for a moment]

Sirius: [voice quiet and tentative] Remus I…  
Remus: ..Yes?  
Sirius: I-- I’m really glad you decided to play tonight.  
Remus: I was always going to, you know that.  
Sirius: No, no I didn’t. I just… sometimes you get so mad about stuff.  
Remus: Well--  
Sirius: And I know I usually deserve it but [he exhales heavily] I just, I hate it. And usually I would do just about anything to get you to stop being angry with me--  
Remus: Sirius, I can never stay angry with you, I-- [mumbled] like you too much.  
Sirius: What was that?  
Remus: [takes a deep breath] I said I like you too much… to stay mad I mean.  
Sirius: You like me?  
Remus: I mean I guess…  
Sirius: You guess? Like you’re not sure?  
Remus: No, (sigh) I’m sure. I like you, Sirius.  
Sirius: Wow.  
Remus: Wow? What does that mean?  
Sirius: It means I like you too, Remus Lupin. I like you a whole awful lot.  
[charged silence]  
Remus: So, are you going to--  
[suddenly the door bangs open]

James: HaHA we caught you!

[Remus and Sirius, spring apart, things clatter and fall over. There is a long silence.]

Lily: Were we interrupting something?  
Sirius: Just our hiding.  
Remus: Right, yeah, our -- hiding.  
James: In a broom closet? I’m disappointed.  
Lily: And together. [she sounds smug]  
Remus: I was here first.  
Sirius:[overlapping] and I was hiding from Filch.  
Lily: Sure you were.  
James: Anyways we caught you now. Off you go.  
Sirius: Wait who else have you caught?  
James: We only have Peter, Dorcas and Marls left.  
Lily: [muttering] Bet we find them in a broom closet too.  
James: What was that?  
Lily: Nothing.  
Remus: Right… well I guess we’ll see you on the other side. Good luck.  
James: Thank you--  
Lily: --But we won’t need it.  
James: See you! Oh and watch out for Filch, he was lurking on the 5th floor.

[they walk away]

Remus: Were they just--  
Sirius: --Finishing each other's sentences?

[they laugh awkwardly]

Remus: Weird.  
Sirius: Yeah, totally weird.

**Scene 17: The room of requirement, Saturday 1:54am**

[ quiet music, a very chill atmosphere, a door opens and closes]

Remus: Ah, the prodigal pair returns. Any luck?  
James: [heavy sigh] No, he has well and truly eluded us.  
Lily: [speaking on a yawn] Yeah, we give up. He’s too good.  
Remus: Who’d have thought that Peter would outwit us all.  
James: I think he cheated.  
Remus: James…  
James: I’m not sorry I said it. Wait, Sirius, are you laying in Moony’s lap?  
Sirius: [sleepy and little drunk] It’s comfortable.  
Lily: [smirking] Yeah james, he’s comfortable.  
James: [choosing to move past this] Right, where are the others?  
Remus: Well, Frank and Kingsley are passed out over there. They were 3 sheets to the wind by the time we got here. Mary went to bed and Marlene and Dorcas never came back. Honestly, I assumed you never found them.  
Lily: No we got them right after we found you. I wonder…  
James: Are all of my friends hooking up?  
Remus: [flustered] Sirius and I aren’t hooking up.  
Lily: Yeah, and I’m pretty sure Frank and Kingsley are just sleeping.  
Sirius: [at the same time as Lily] (mumbled) Not yet.  
Remus: I’m sorry what was that?  
[we listen for a minute, light snoring]  
Remus: Wanker. We’ll do you two want a drink?  
James: Yes, I suppose none of us won tonight.  
Remus: ..Oh, I don’t know about that.

END

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for listening! You can find me on Tumblr [here](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/elle-ja-bell).  
> And you can find sallysparrow017 on tumblr at [laheylupin](https://www.laheylupin.tumblr.com)!   
> .


End file.
